She and her husband love their two perfect little girls to pieces, but they've both been aching for a little boy to complete their family. This morning they welcomed that little one, and it was a surprise for everyone! I know they are thrilled and feeling so excited and happy today, and I'm SO happy for them. I was so thrilled to get her text message, and I ran down the hall at work to tell Grant that they had a boy! He was excited for them, and he sent her husband, a friend of his, a text message immediately.
At the same time, I walk back down the hall, and I'm excited, but I feel a sense of longing and sadness in my heart. Grant and I decided long ago that we would have two children, and we are SO grateful that God blessed us with two perfect, wonderful little boys. We are so grateful that they are happy, healthy and thriving, and I know that Grant loves having two boys. I also love having two boys, and I love being a "boy" mom. It's SO much fun!
I also cannot get it out of my head that William is my last baby...I can't get past it, and I'm really struggling with it, especially now as he approaches a year old. He's almost a year old, and I'll never have another opportunity to go through another 1st year. I'll never have the pregnancy experience again or be able to breastfeed another baby for a year. That is definitely one of my favorite things with both of my boys! He's crawling, sitting, pulling up, almost walking...I'll never go through that again. I'm sure many women go through this after their last babies...How do they cope? I know that I will continue to see what a fun and exciting age my two boys are at now and how they are growing and so much fun. That does a lot to keep my mind off of it, but the sadness never completely subsides.
I also think part of it is the relationship that I have with my mother. I want that type of relationship with a daughter as I get older. I talk with my mom every day without fail, and I enjoy that time we talk, even if only for a brief few minutes. I enjoyed planning my wedding with my mom and planning for my babies. I know that boys love their mothers and have a special bond, but I'm pretty confident that I won't be planning either of their weddings, baby nurseries or talking with them daily once they have a family of their own. My heart has a longing for a sweet little girl to share this with...maybe one day, I'll have a daughter through another pregnancy or adoption, God only knows, or maybe God will give me this type of relationship with my future daughter in law or a niece. I will continue to pray particularly that these feelings are short lived. In the meantime, I'm so incredibly grateful for these two miracles...
Sounds to me like someone has the baby bug again!
ReplyDeleteI am the total opposite. At every single milestone, I celebrate that I will never have to do that again, and I can't wait for them to get older. The idea of breastfeeding again sounds like just about the worst thing I could imagine!!!
Seriously, though, there is nothing that says you can't re-evaluate your plans. Two may have seemed like the right number three years ago, but maybe that has changed. Or maybe you decide to have another, but to wait until Weston starts school to ease the childcare issues a little bit. If it is super important to have a little girl, you could look in to adopting...either at Weston or William's age or younger.
Bottom line, just because you decided to have two a couple of years ago doesn't mean you are stuck with that. You can always have more! It's not like you only wanted one and then went and had twins:-D
And don't be so sure about the wedding planning...I let my Mother-in-law have pretty much free reign over anything she wanted at our wedding!
I think all Mom's go through this...and I think I'm on my way, too. I have a son about Weston's age (1/9/10) and just welcomed a daughter on 7/12. Part of me was so sad when I learned I was having a girl because I knew this was our last child and I was heartbroken that my son would never have a brother. Part of me still aches for that for him, and for my daughter to have a sister. But, for all the reasons you mentioned in regards to the mother-daughter relationship, I'm so thankful for my sweet girl. My boy and my girl and we're done, but she's already a month old and starting to grow out of her newborn clothes and the thought of never having a teeny tiny again has already brought me to tears a few times. I don't know how to get past it. I pray for both us to find peace with our decision to have two sweet kiddos, no matter their gender. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with "Accidentally Me" she took the words right out of my mouth. I mean this is the absolutely nicest way, and I love my kids to pieces, but the very thought of ever being preggers again, nursing, going through year 1 again makes.my.skin.crawl. {That sounds so awful, but it just means I am so done and ready to move onto this next phase} To me it sounds like you aren't done yet. But to show I am not completely devoid of emotion, I do get the "longing" in the sense that when Chad got the big "V" it was a closing of a chapter in our lives and that did feel weird. And at times I imagine what our 3rd would be--boy or girl? Names, personality etc, but then I realize that IS NOT what I want. HA! So anyway, you always have time to re-evaluate. It is always best to take it one kid at a time--when you are done you know it. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy MIL and I are close to and she helped plan a lot of our wedding. It isn't the same as my mom and I, but it is something. I do hope you find peace in whatever decision you land on, this is a big season in our lives no matter what we choose!
We always agreed we'd have two children, but now that I'm pregnant with our second boy I wonder if we'll change our minds later on down the road. I know "trying for a girl" will only wind up getting us three boys though hahahaha the good thing is, you are both young and can always change your minds in a few years when circumstances are different ;)
ReplyDeletePS- thanks for the sweet compliment on my blog design. I did it myself :) !!